Hi all. Another journal. Go me. I think this and LJ will be my two main ones. and i can vent in this one more!

Today was confusing. Of course I was very pissed at Nick and went to see Stigs. The day was so-so, no Flanman, whatever being in the stars decided to be kind and I have horrible aching cramps *now* and not for the entire day. I should go load up on IB profen. Zane brought me death metal angry music :) I loveded you. Noreen brought me peeps. I loveded you too:) And Big Ben also had a peep after school and offered it to me after Stigs, cause they both think peeps are gross. Stigs obviously hates them with a passion...he was disgusted. lol. So when I walked into his class after school, he did his little head thing to say come on in, and so after the student he was listening to went back to his seat to pick up his bags, he sat down and asked about my day and I said it was better than I expected, then he wanted me to go on in detail and the one student goes "Oh mr. steigleder" and continued on interrupting and stigs looked at me and rolled his eyes like, "oy vay, sorry" Then he was telling me I should think about this thing after a couple days when I don't want to take his head off (nick's). And said that I would eventually see he values the friendship and didn't want to ruin it later. probably true. so then I had to take off to softball, "hence the pants" stigs says. it's good i have an outlet for the anger he says, smacking the ball. and he goes, "don't swing to early, but swing hard" and does a little motion and the way he was giving me advice about softball...and so I walk into the tech lab and I say "I am in love with that man" and maggie said on her way to French he asked her if I was okay and that I could come talk to him anytime(?) or about anything(?) or both of those maybe...and then I melted and had to go to softball.

I hit the ball.

Twice.

I caught the ball and got an out.

We won 10-0.

I'm happy.

OK OK! So I'm lusting after a teacher!! he's sexy. and shut up i've been hurt by every other man that has ever been in my life, every guy has used me, dumped me, teased me, not been understanding, so blegh. and this one, is the only one who hasn't hurt me. *loves adorable english teacher*

I'm going to go see the Killers tonight w/a load of people!! woot. cha! now excuse me while i go load up on medicine....i'm coughing so much i'm surprised a lung hasn't come out. ok i need a nap and to get ready!!

Last night was fun until I broke into a coughing fit and when going up the stairs to find water almost collapsed. and then they didn't have any water. I saw stigs and meier. Mari from Chem class took pictures, me and becca said we'd pay her to get copies. but anyway. So the opening band was good and I bought their CD. The place was so packed and people were moshing and crowd surfing so we stood off to the side. Brandon Flowers, the lead singer, is so adorable! Stigs saw him later that night, not fair!! They are so awesome live!!! Everyone was singing and omg, it was so cool!!! I wanted to maul Brandon!! I can't believe how good they were live!!!! i think in a dream i had they weren't good so I was worried last night...but everything was fine!!
Stigs said people last nigth in the bar were doing weird stuff...didn't elaborate...I want to know. lol. he asked what the next concert is (that i want to go to) and Kaiser Chiefs will be in Seattle in June. he asked if i was going to get away with that one. probably not. then he said to tell my mom that i'm a senior now and I might be going to school in this city and I just want to see if I can handle it.

That man. Is Brilliant.

So who knows...I don't want to go alone though...hmmm...I dunno.

So there's 20 minutes left at prom, and if I'm lucky those who I want to have a heart attack and fall over on the floor while dancing better not get what they want...well its one person so, get what he wants. he'll just hurt her too and then he'll end up bitching and i won't hear the end of it. i'm finally letting him go cause he doesn't desrve me.

i feel selfish.  we've lost three people this year: to cancer, suicide, old age and cancer combined. people lost someone they were very close to. and i almost lost someone too. stigs was going to leave but meier is going to japan...so stigs is staying....i'm lucky. but i'm selfish i think too.

I still really need to scream. Ran into Tony and some guys from prep last night when I was with Matt, Greg, Jamie, Jeff and the other guy who looks like morrissey....yeah...tony was just kind of like, "oh and stephi! all right...." but it was nice to get out with some different people. me and jeff went over to a show, seaweed jack, they were good, i lurve them.

still really confused about mr. stigs and everything with that whole deal....it makes me sad...

what a day. that was so exhausting. but it was funny when we got to Cataldo Mission and went down to the marshes...
Me: 3 wet students come wandering up..."what were you guys doing?" "re-inacting the Lord of the Rings..."
Amusing. Then I fell off the picnic table. wow. i'm special. i couldn't remember what it was called. lol. and then there are the lesbians...noreen and becca. Cat gave me a piggy back ride, as did noreen and it made me uber happy :)
I'm watching the Depeche Mode Devotional DVD. It makes me want to see them live so badly. I get chills imagining it. and dave gahan's in sexy black tight pants. hot. and martin gore is sex depsite the silver tacky outfit...it's still hot. yeah.
talked momentarily with steigleder after school...about nothing important. steph kunicki, softball and how he had a bad head ache and was going to go straight home to bed. *sigh* older guys are just more attractive.
oy vay.

zane and i were lying on the cement when we got back to prep. we had time to kill so i went and collapsed by the student center on a bench, then zane came by and collapsed next to me. i shooed becca and maggie away, and told him that i wrote him a nasty email last night and that i lied. and now everything's happy again...

Things are better today. Zane was talking to me so we're at it again. We have the most unusual freindship, its confusing.  But somehow comforting.

I saw Star Wars twice in three days, and I'm going to go see it again. The Dialogue sucks but Obi-wan and Anakin are sex, especially Obi-wan. Yehehe! ^^

I hate the parentals right now. I just...ugh...I just wish they would go with Greg away for the weekend and I could be home alone. It'd be nice. I'd invite Zane over and we'd play some video games. It'd just be nice.

I have a job interview. Kinda freaked out. But ya know, whatever. I don't think they're high on the facial piercings/dyed hair bit so that kind of sucks for the summer plans of dying my hair. But maybe I can find a job at Barnes and Noble or something sometime while I'm making money, if I get the job.  Then  maybe in a couple months I'll land something better.

I'm really craving some making out right now. Yup. Especially from...him...

Stigs and Carroll skipped to go see Star Wars. Don't we have such cool teachers.

I need to scream again.

I was going to go to sleep but I'm not....I'm getting star wars icons for LJ. hahaha. obi wan is sex, so nyah.

job interview tomorrow. omfg so scared.

I was going to go to sleep but I'm not....I'm getting star wars icons for LJ. hahaha. obi wan is sex, so nyah.

job interview tomorrow. omfg so scared.

My life of late. I'm a senior now. cause the seniors are teh gone!! which is actually sad cause i liked them, some of them.

So we went to senior graduation. good stuff. meg was up there in red converse. lol. and they had a video of fr. small before he died...and i started crying.

but my mother has not stopped talking about stuff for senior year and i snapped finally and was like, 'i don't want to think about it, this year isn't even over. stop.' except i yelled it and my dad was like, 'something something, leave her lone...something something, pressure...' to my mom as i stormed off and started to cry. and here i am. crying. because she's pushing me too far forward, she's making me run, when i've finally learned how to jog and walk (in terms of the note from stigs <3) and i want her to stop.

i bought a bunch of eye makeup today, it makes me really happy. got a bunch on clearance. woot.

I saw Star Wars again. And I must say, with a new slash perspective between Obi and Ani...it was quite interesting. But anyway...in the end I guess you can say Ani turned to the dark side because of love for padme. what's your view? anyone? cause i've got someone pretending to be all high and mighty like, oh yeah, Anakin turned cause the jedi were bastards. (notice lack of quotes, i'm paraphrasing) but that's not the ultimate reason why...anyway, any thoughts would be nice.

What the Optimist says: We are still flying HALF of a ship. *giggles* <----I do that, not Obi-Wan (the optimist)

The other night James' grad party was pretty sweet. I saw Jake and Bryson, there were a bunch of family members and stuff. The Sherrys were there. I love Tom. He's so freaking funny. And it's funny when Flanman makes cracks about him and the weather, I'm just like, I know that man. ha. yeah. We bought James some stuff at Old Navy. He's going to an art college in Laguna Beach so we got him some beach wear. And then we bought Stephi a bunch of clothes so now I feel spoiled. I got a pair of shorts/sweats that cut off at the knee. they feel like stigs sweatshirt. it makes me happy =) anyway. So the Sherrys got a Jet Ski. ANd I wanted to go on it. SO micael took me out. I thought it was going to be an easy ride. Nu-uh. I got this insanely freaky ride but I managed to stay on!! It was sooo fun and I'm so proud for not being like, "SLOW DOWN MY GOD ARE YOU CRAZY?" It was wicked. I'm sure I got a tan.

I was alone a lot of the time tonight so when I was sitting there staring at the sky or whatever, I kept having thoughts, fantasies of living by the water with Stigs or something, then remembering Search and when I had my eyes closed and I didn't know who had taken my hands to lead me and I heard his voice, "you're going to be fine, i'll make sure."
Then I was having even weirder thoughts and imagining what it was like on Pluto at that exact moment. It's the weirdest thought, thinking what someone is doing right at that instant you think it, or what's happening somewhere at the moment...

hmm. so Colleen gossips about me. Lisa tries to justify the thing she said.

Well now. I guess I was right.

I may have just orgasmed watching Ewan McGregor in Down With Love. Sexy accent. Just plain sex. *dies*

So for my poem...I can write about, love, lust, blue eyes, or ewan/hayden (in a sneaky way) hmm....this shall be fun.

So today, I wanted to throw up. We watched the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan. I wanted to sick up afterwards. My lunch was gatorade. But that was just fine. I still feel sick. Meh.
I haven't seen Stigs in a while. I'll have to pop by within the next couple days before School's out. Sam and I have attacked his board for the past couple days. tehe.

this beat poem is not coming along.

oh zane zane zane. fun times. apparently i weigh the size of a small animal.

i want to try dirt biking now just to prove i can do this.

 I wish I could see Bryce. I miss his funny remarks in French class and just being a lovable retard at times =P

I'm just kind of...very very depressed at the moment.

went with becca and katie to madagascar, and that was pretty fun. just some to chill and spend $20 on parking + movie+food. But it was still fun :)

I saw Star Wars AGAIN the other night. Cause my dad and his friend wanted to see it, and my dad had seen it once before, in the very front row. and this was my 5th time. not like i have anything better to do at the moment. I've got so much to do though. Oreintation for McD's on Saturday, Camp thing next week on thursday from 1-4, eye appointment again, next friday. ahhhh. insanely insaneness. right. i'm bored. i really want to makeout with someone right now. oh hush, i'm  a teenager with sexual frustration. I'm supposed to be like that,

depeche mode is coming to seattle.

*faints*

I have nothing to do today. Finally. Holy fucking god it took long enough. So I don't know what I'll be doing today. I need to finish cleaning my room so I can get my allowance. and then go and spend it on makeup *sigh* I'm really confused by the way. Because I want to get involved in the fashion scene but god only knows how the hell I would because I'm heading toward a career in English. *sigh* I don't know.

In other news, I started to watch the old pink panther. fun stuff. I want to see the one with steve martin, yessum i do. and the island, and mr. and mrs smith, and on and on.

So Depeche Mode is straightening out their tour dates for the U.S. and I really want to get ahold of Mr. Steigleder <3 and be like, 'DEPECHE MODE DEPECHE MODE! And try and say they've announced their tour before passing out from excitement. lol. good times.

Hmm, so I suppose I'll go shower and make a waffle or two cause I'm damn hungry then kick back and read or watch the pink panther some more. *shrugs* oh and clean my room.

So I'm happy. We went out to Terran's and went to the park where we walked around a bit. We also had to get gas which was amusing. but anyway at the park. that was interesting. there was this group of people walking behind us, and we heard one of the girls yell, "Would any of you girls be interested in having sex with jeff?" i think was his name. We all giggled and one of the guys said, "They're laughing at you man!" It was funny. then terran opened her mouth and that was even funnier and then we started to run. So then we took Terran home, sat around for a bit. Then went to starbucks, fred meyer, and the dollar store. uber bits of fun. we decided i'm going to go shopping for underwear that _____ might like. ahahaha. And Becca unveiled my secret of wanting people to see my underwear. lol. i think its sexy sometimes. lol. don't ask.
Anyway...so yeah. me and maggie hid from becca in the $1 store. it was funny.
so that's it for now. i'm going to clean up my room some more.

I really want to learn the moves to the star wars fight from ep. 3 with obi and ani. my god that would complete my summer!

First day of work, I have to take off here in a little more than an hour. SO freaking nervous.But after Steve cutting my hair this morning (with the running of the fingers through the hair and all) I'm a tad more relaxed. squeeness.

Thursday I head up to camp!!! just for 3 hours though but I hope Kuna is up there <3 yea, if you don't know, i have an uber big crush on him. So yeah. I believe Jim and I are both going to be out there week 3 so I'm hyped. Gotta luv him. Gotta love camp. I just know I'm going to wind up with the group that goes to Graves for the overnight. I'm never going to get to sleep either if we do. last year, we went up to the cross. darren scared the fuck out of me and i didn't fall asleep until 3:30. Oy. K, well I'm terrified of working. So come visit me at the mcdonalds on argonne today from 4-8pm or saturday 12-5pm

why the fuck. why god why. are there any decent guys in this world? who won't try and hurt me. god.

*runs and hides*

*curls up in a ball and dies*

A big thank you to everyone who wished me happy birthday ^_^ I love you all!
So my dad woke me up at 6:30 before he left to say happy birthday, then when my mom left she did the same thing. Then I got up, showered, yada yada, turned on Seinfeld as I got ready. Took Greg down to Albertsons but the lady he was going to talk to wasn't there so we drove back home. I started watching Indiana Jones then left for northtown where I met Terran, Becca, Maggie, and my beloved Cat ^_^ They gave me their presents and then we sat and talked then walked around for 5 hours. So much fun, very exhausting. Fun times shopping! Then around 6 I left Maggie and Becca to go to Azteca for dinner and it was sooo yummy. then we came home, had cyrus o'leary's french silk pie. the very fucking best pie ever! then I opened more gifts. So all together I got:

Anakin Skywalker t-shirt
Star Wars pins
Star Wars III poster
*cough* "body lotion" that isn't actually body lotion but lubricant...terran, lol, what a funny girl, "it is body lotion....for a certain part of your body..."
the black cat from trigun...i can't remember the name *eek!*

Clinique Happy To Be-from mum
A ring-from mum
A picture of me and terran
London-a novel...from my dad...i was kind of like...um...thanks...
Trainspotting-from Greg ^_^

And I bought Velvet Goldmine ♥ which is really good, very different. and Christian Bale is in it w/Ewan...SQUEENESS. British accent!!!

Mmm, I am soo tired. It was a fun day.

I kind of want to cry and scream right now. this usually happens when i'm watching 'Blow Out' or something reality-like on Bravo...because they make so much money, live in L.A., West Hollywood. And I have this idea of glamour and I want it. I want the designer shoes, sunglasses, etc etc because....I don't even know why, its just appealing. Ugh. So then I ponder college and where to go and its like my god, Seattle? L.A? do I dare go New York??? *fumes* I want to go shopping...but I bought Life as a House (Hayden C. is sex) and a jazz cd...so i have no money and i don't know when i get my paycheck, and even when I do it all has ot go into my bank account if I'm going to london. I sound like a whiny bitch now...cause I have no money and I hate where I live. OK I'm done...no I'm never done. oy vay. i want to go out.

So yeah. I've been playing tetris 2 for super nintendo and it gives you too much time to think. and you know what i think? i think i miss bryce. just a bit. ^_^;

I also miss Kuna, damn do I miss Kuna. Kuna and Bryce. *sighs* Omg, Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen ^_^ Bryce looks like Hayden. Seriously. but yeah. I miss him. *sigh*

I have guy problems can you tell? Probably not, I haven't explained that yet. I can't think right now, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is on. Good times.

Guy problems...oh yeah. I blocked, you know who, rochelle might know who i'm talking about. but anyway, i was sick of serving his every whim and being his little whore. i'm thinking, i can do better than this, wtf am i doing?! so i finally was just like, right. logged off in the middle of a conversation and blocked him. *is content* 

I'm going to a movie with Becca later. We're going to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Yay.

Blow Out is on after Queer Eye. SQUEE

its 1230. i just watched life as a house. now i'm watching seinfeld. i'm imaging running of with hayden christensen to italy. what it'll be like in england in a year. camp in a week. drew is gunna be a CIT the same week i'm out there.

jesus i'm tired and having a crisis that will indeed affect the rest of my life.

Well. Let's just recap the day. We went to the Millers and while the parentals went over to the neighbors for lunch, greg was across the lake at the Sherry's, and I got the Miller house to myself, well with 3 bichons. But they're nothing like Max so it was OK. I went down to the dock and into the boat and read some magazines and listened to music for 2 1/2-3 hours. I can still feel the rocking of the boat. Which is kind of freaky cause I'm dizzy. Michael jetskied Jake and some girl Meghan over and they played around in the water w/Drew and Greg. We then went over to Pavilion Park to listen to the bands play and left around 9. We suddenly had a whole group of people and the girls were bugging the fuck out of me. James came home from work finally and that was nice. Someone my age. The day was going pretty well.

Then the fireworks started. It was going along fine until something happened. Fireworks went off on the barge. There was an explosion of pink and then the fireworks stopped. The emergency boats were making their way in slowly but the fireworks didn't continue. They hurried in. Then we heard yelling, "Over here!" "Here! Here!" James grabbed some binoculors and saw that the barge, just a dock really, was completely bare and damaged. Another emergency boat was speeding in, then there were sirens. Something had gone really wrong. Eventually the news came on, Krem 2, all three people were injured, one seriously, but all were injured enough to be sent to the hospital. I suppose its ironic. I was hoping the neighbors would blow themselves out of a canoe. This was bigger and more deadly. And we dropped Michael off and Darlene his mom was saying that they were all joking around when watching the fireworks going, oh yeah i like that one! and she said, "well i like the ones that explode on the dock and people have to jump into the water." Then that happened.

Then we hear there was a fire on 32nd and University. That's like 1-2 miles away from our house. Then there's the news about the Groene (sp?) boy, which was even more depressing.
And I need to watch something happy now.

But I was talking to Drew about Kuna. Apparently Kuna was all over Europe, not just Italy ♥ I was having daydreams of spending 4th of July with Kuna at Liberty Lake. Oh what daydreams they were. *sigh* Oh that's right! I'm going to put it in my story.

I'm going to go write a bit and watch something happy now.

I got my paycheck. I'm hyped.

I've decided I'm through with someone. Just fuck it. Fuck him. He doesn't deserve anyone. I think he's sick. And he's been...just, aggravating to deal with.

In other news, I want to see my Kuna ^^ or Bryce. Or let's just hook me up with someone please. thnx.

Oy.  Um yeah. I dunno.

So yeaaaaaah. Splitting headache, this is gonna be short.

I'mlooking at a couple schools in california for fashion/marketing etc. kind of hyped about it

I've been playing zelda for god knows how many hours ^_^;  prolly why i have such a bad headache =(

Umm, yeah, anyone know if Bryce has IM or sumething? ^_^; heh. stephi wants a boy. but can't find a good one. refering to them as objects. how nice. maybe that guy....rephrase that, one of the many guys at camp? we'll see what happens. ok, LotR awaits. and so does sleep. shopping spree tomorrow with mum :)

London was hit by the bloody fucking terrorists.

:(

I have a friend in London, I haven't heard anything from her. I'm fearing the worst.

went on a shopping spree today with my mom for senior pictures. got $130 worth of MAC makeup, shoes, shirts, jewelry. and then i get bitched at by my friends for saying i'm too tired to go to a freaking midnight movie. let's rip stephi apart because she may have a better situation than some people. i odn't know. i do have a different life than all my friends. i have a lot more priveledges. and i think at times, my friends see that as a reason to bring me down.

someone please call me after next weekm cause i have camp starting sunday until saturday, and let's get together. i'd just like to go shopping in stores like buckle and wet seal and such, stores my other friends never want to go into. i just. i need a hug and some ib profen and a new job that doesn't have a cute manager who asked how old i was, who said a bit too loudly that his girlfriend dumped him, and who doesn;t leave me confused. i feel like i need to cry. i was hoping to see someone today but ididn't see him.i have a bad headache. i hate  my job. i don;t want to work an 8 hour shift saturday. 8 hours making fries. oh boy. fuck.

So yeah. You're a geek when you're watching the Tribute to George Lucas and you get all teared up when they have the orignial main cast reunite moment thing. yeah. I'm a geek. But Carrie Fisher was SO DAMN FUNNY.

"Hi. I am Mrs. Han Solo and I am an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic because George Lucas ruined by life... George Lucas is a sadist, but like any other young girl in a metal suit chained to a metal creature, I keep coming back for more." Then she told Lucas, "I hope I slept with you to get that job, because if not, who the hell was that guy."

Omg, I wish I was recording that. It was classic. And dude! WHAT HAPPENED TO PETER JACKSON?! He's like...thin...and he had laser eye surgery, got rid of his glasses :/
i was like, *double take* DUDE, that's not peter jackson, shit it is! I mean this man lost 70 lbs. its insane. O_O mmk. I work an 8 hour shift tomorrow. *dies* I kind of hope I make fries for the most part and clean, because I can't screw up doing that.

if I could kiss you know i'd kiss you now again and again

yay for Moby lyrics. anyway.

OMFG WILLY WONKA! HE'S SO HOT IN A REALLY CREEPY WAY.

OMG HP HBP!!!! YAAAAAAAAY

NIGHT!!!

Greg doesn't understand that when it gets dark, I whig out if I have to go downstairs and open the door. It is creepy as fuck. And after creeping myself out earlier watching some ghost hunter marathon thing on sci-fi, I refuse to go downstairs. I was intrigued and it was daylight. End of story.So now he's going go all bitchy attitude like he does. *eye roll*

I think people look down on me or just think why?! because of the people I admire. Paris Hilton, Janice Dickinson. I'm either envious of their lives, attitude, and/or being known to the world. (that wasn't gramatically correct with the either in front of that) So if I became one of those people, would I be looked down upon or something like that? I feel like if I became like the people I admire, I'd lose my friends. I share very few of the same views with my friends. I look at celebrities and their money differently, the high life differently, abortion, no fucking way in hell i can talk about that or i'd be ripped apart.

Another thing that kills my morale is that I have a different life from my other friends. i'm talking about the core group obviously, but at times I feel like because I'm more priveledged that they feel like they have to drag me down. If I say I'm too tired to go to a movie at fucking midnight because I spent the day shopping with my mom, I don't want to suddenly be attacked like, "You went shopping. You're tired? I worked an 8 hour shift. My mom won't even take me shopping. So don't complain." I've had friends say things like that to me and it hurts me. I do feel more priveledged that most my friends in terms of money and family life. i have parents that love me and spoil the hell out of me, who are going to be paying for most of college if not nearly all, and i just have a really good life at the moment, though i still want more.

i just don't know what to do. and i really want a boyfriend. *facepalm* he must like goofiness, cover stories for dates so we can just go makeout *cough* i mean what? must make me laugh, must like star wars (as long as he doesn't hate it we're fine) the same goes for LotR and HP.

I'm depressed now, well down, not fully depressed. just i dunno what to do, all my friends' lives seem to not be going so well but here i am, having a fabulous time

OK, so I've been going on about wanting a bf. there's a counselor at camp, Tank aka Chris. 18, going to be a frosh at wwu. adorable. i'm not sure if i've posted everything about him in this journal but i'm going to anyway if i already have.

the first day we saw each other was JC orientation, he kind of looked over at me, A LOT, and kind of hung around a bit if he had the chance. So this week starts, he's still looking, looks away if I look up type thing. Tuesday comes, the overnight, Pico tells me and Kristen, the other JC I was with for the week, that we're going to go meet Tank, Etch, Zeppelin, and Nova's cabins, and have a scavenger hunt. JCs would lead it, we were the Jedi Penguins, it roxored. So anyway, everytime we ran back to the steps where they were sitting, Tank would look at me and tell me what to find. Then one of the times Zep was talking I think, I caught him looking at my Star Wars shirt, anyway. So yadayada we go to the overnight spot, to get potato chips from Nova or Etch we have to compliment them, so I say to Etch, you are more beautiful than scarlett johansson. and Tank was behind me, goes, "that's a really good one" and I'm just like, blink blink. yay? then at the dance, he hung near to me for a while. then so on and so forth comes sticks campfire, last night. i was standing by the fire and he turned around and saw me there, paused, came over a couple feet away he looked like he wanted to say something but being a guy didn't know how or what. someone else suddenly appeared between us and he looked over, saw that person, paused again then turned away. My mind was screaming noooooo.

so that's that and in a week and 3 days or sumthing i'm going back to camp. i want to talk to him more and such and get to know him but i don't know how. eeck. and sudden loss of brain power at the moment. i'm going to go eat, and try and figure some stuff out. not just boy stuff, body stuff=self esteem stuff

right so today, go to see the Island with Becca. Go to hot topic before. CUTE SALESBOY AT HOT TOPIC INVITES TO SHOW TOMORROW NIGHT! OMG OMG OMG! I AM SO GOING!

OMG OMG.

Phew. anyway. the island was fanfuckingtacular. scarlett and ewan *drools*

I don't think I have ever experienced this level of boredom. I might die right now, snuff it and fall right off my bed.

bag of lies that is.

One more week until camp, I cannot wait, kind of bittersweet as well, last time out as a JC, hopefully I'll be back as a counselor. Who knows. The year is going to fly by so maybe I'll know sooner than I thought. England will be here fast as well. Hopefully by then I will have a wonderful boy who lives in bellingham and goes by the name chris....ahahaha. yeah. cough tank cough but who knows about that even. Can't believe senior year is like a month away. insane. i need to read for ap english. yea, that might be good, how about i start after i finish book 5 of HP. well, i'm off to go read some more. i've been reading for about 5 hours. its harry potter, man! yep. can you tell how bored i am?

oh i want to sign up for lifeguarding classes cause then i could be a lifeguard and you get paid extra at camp to be a life guard. ^^

ttfn, i'm going to be bored all week, its just me and mum, greg and dad are currently in minnesota...or somewhere on a road trip to chicago.

oh got senior picture booklet will post on my myspace.com profile sometime.

ok tata, love and kisses from this pussycat doll

i am sick. i want to sleep. i want to read. i want to cry. my throat hurts. my head hurts. my dogs are avoiding me.

that is all.

Hmm, I am feeling better, my temperature went down incredibly after I ate and took some IB profen. Of course this was around 5 o'clock tonight so I spent the day hungry and with a 102 temp. Aw well, feeling better now, hopefully I'll sleep the rest of the fever off tonight. So yeah.

Camp is in a couple days. I'm taking the camera, got to, last week at camp, then sooner than I know it, senior registration is here and school starts. its insane. Bryson invited me to a suprise party for Jake and I feel touched that he did that just cause I don't normally get invited to birthday parties or any party for that matter. and me and bryson and jake never really talk anymore so I'm hoping we reconnect senior year.

Not much more, lied around, watched Edward Scissorhands, Harry Potter 3, Under the Tuscan Sun and the Blow Out marathon. I love Jonathan Antin. Too bad he's like 36 or 37

Rochelle call me or w/e, you got me a little worried about what you want to talk to me about...

that's all for now

xoxoxo 

i am addicted to reality tv. insane.

so, sore throat. bugging me. i believe i've said 5 words today. that is all. and it was to my dogs to get outside.

lying around and doing nothing is really bugging me :/ I want to be out and doing something. it's not cool.

i read something today that said, the ones we hate are the ones we truly love. i think i find that true despite the fact i'm still in denial about it.

I'd write more but i've been in bed for 3 days...no 2 1/2, so nothing exciting has happened.

i look horrible too. i think a shower is in order. maybe the steam'll help my throat and make me feel better. at least the fever's gone...

xoxoxo

Let's give a big YAY for random insomnia. I was watching TV, the daily show (love that show) ahahaha, maggie g: "i play an anarchist baker and i used you as inspiration" john d: "for the baking or the anarchy?", then something on VH1 like best music music videos to get busy too. Madonna's Erotica was the number1 video. new it would be madonna. her earlier stuff is hot stuff. and then i came back to bed and started listening to music. and it all started with "take on me" and then I turned on the 80s mix mr. steigleder gave me. yay for english teachers who were teenagers in the 80s.

and obviously i'm still awake because i want to dance to the 80s music. because the 80s music is fun! ohhh camp memories..."girls just wanna have fun" this was my satori song. satori is like a zen epiphany. anyway, this was the song they were playing during the dance at camp when i realized yup, gotta be a counselor. i want to dance on the porch with the counselors! that's like the mark that you're a counselor.

i really need to change the music type, i'm never going to fall asleep. well good news, half of my throat is better. wow, i was going to try and type the lyrics to the end of the world as they sang but damn, fast lyrics, but i already new that. a tournament a tournament a tournament of lies!

i'm off to see what's new in the world of ewan mcgregor. maybe he's got some more movies coming out ^^

edit: didn't get to ewan. i'm seeing thigns crawl across my bed O.o

i'm either a) tired but very awake b) insane c) all of the above

hmmm :

stumble till you crawl whooo oh oh ohhh, yeah, i was spinning free *rocks out*

you wanna know what a literal sore throat is? when you have a fucking sore on your throat! i know that's uber gross and i'm sure you all care but i just thought i'd share why i'm in pain...and its great it really is caue there'e nothing they can give me that will make it go away! ahahaha. fuck. no singing at camp. yes i'm still going to camp. its just my throat. my mom was like, well call and tell them you might not make it and i was like, excuse me?! I'M GOING. and then started to cry a bit at the thought of not going. because its camp reed. in fact i need to start gathering my clothes and such to pack. hmm, i need to rest too. need strength.

just got a call from rochelle. i am so giddy now. and the talking helped my throat ^^ so i'm going to be talking to myself the rest of the day. alright. might go to pavilion park tonight, i shall talk to the parental!

Ian: "God creates dinosaur.

God kills dinosaur.

God creates man.

Man kills God.

Man creates dinosaur."

Ellie: "Dinosaur eats man.

Woman inherits the earth."

I forgot how much I love this movie ^_^

[edit]

so i've watched 101 dalmations and jurassic park. 101 dalmations is my favorite disney movie. i love london in that movie. tehe, when i'm in london next year on that tour with mr. stigs and mr. carroll and catherine, ugh help me, we'll be walking through london and when a dog barks i'll be like, 'omg squee! the twilight bark!' and they'll just be like,'omg like whatever' except for stigs, he'll just laugh at me. like he does. he told me to get out of his classroom cause i was too geeky one day. as if he can speak! hmph.

dad called, he was in best buy and said he couldn't find one single depeche mode cd or tshirt in chicago. (so buying one at their concert., omg i have to check dates--damn nothing yet) but anyway, he said he'd bring me back something and i should have said a dvd set like america's next top model, ugggh, but i just told him a cd, so yeah...oh well. not the end of the world. i'm going to go sleep now cause i want to go to the movie in the park tonight and stay awake through it. ta ta! xoxoxo 

went to the movie, saw no one, sadness. drew has awesome tan lines from CIT. that was awesome.

movie was fun, i saw 4 shooting stars and 4 satilites...i can so spell. it reminded me of how much i miss star gazing. i'd go lie out on our trampoline but i don't like lying in our backyard alone cause there's bushes all around and we live in a woody area...i freak myself out. sadness. someone has to come star gaze with me one night. ^^ indeed.

well i want to go to bed so i can sleep and not feel my throat. i looked in the mirror. i can see the sore, its disgusting and painful. i'm ready to scrape out half my throat. seriously, it sounds like a fabulous idea. *sigh*

oh shall i tell you how uberly goofballish i am? we got some more school books today, i opened a package and it was my new french book. i squeed and pulled it out and started flipping through it. tehehehe. yay for french! because it can be worthwhile ;) *wink wink*

well, good night, xoxoxo

-the ever in pain stupha...yay for nicknames. i need green tea.

Stephi Stimac
YMCA Camp Reed Rt. 3 Box 252
Deer Park, WA 99006

if you want to send me a letter that's the address. please please please send me something! like packets of green tea...i'll explain in a minute. anyway, my friends didn't write the last week i was there, rochelle didn't know, i know, anyway, the people who did know said they would yadayada and didn't. sadness.

anyway, green tea. it fights sickness so i'm on cup 6 right now of tea. terribly bland but hey, i'm desperate. 

hmm anyway, ta ta for the week, write me ^^ i'll bring back pictures. i'm going to finish what packing i can now and sleep. i'm going to need it. capture the flag tomorrow. counselors ghost on Wed. ahahha, i'm going to get caught and thrown in the lake so quickly. hopefully, this green tea drinking is helping.

xoxoxoxo see ya in a week ;)

Well, wish me luck, my throat pain has goen down a notch, so I'm hoping by Wed. it'll be nearly gone. I need my voice for the dance Thursday! Best part of camp I say. Righto, well, write me ^^ and when I get back I'll have lots and lots of stories hopefully. pray to god, i don't get oldest girls cabin, a 60 mile bike trip is not what i need right now. well, i'll talk to my counselor, see what's going on. mmk. i've still got stuff to pack and take a shower.

love you all

xoxoxo

I'm back. I'll write about my week later, for now I'm creating a photo album so everyone can see my photos ^^

it was an insane week, thanks rochelle for writing, i was going to write back but i had no time! I got better sunday night. But guess what. I come back from camp and I have to be whisked off to urgent care. Last night during Sticks campfire, my ankle swelled up and I couldn't walk. This bite on my ankle just killed me. I couldn't walk and at 11, Marissa another JC and three of my girls helped me to the infirmary. Now I have to be on antibiotics cause the bite's poison is killing my tissue. O.o So if its not one thing its another. But it was an insane week, I cried so hard last night. I'll do a full week recap later after I take a proper shower...not one of these 3 minute camp showers...or lake showers for that matter :)

here's the link for the photos:

http://photobucket.com/albums/a255/haydenlove/?sc=1&multi=5 

I'm crying so hard right now, I don't know what to do. I don't know if its about leaving camp, my ankle, or just feeling alone suddenly. I just want things to change for the better. I'm sick of people being so damn depressing and bringing me down. I've talked about this before. Its like my hurts, emotionally and physically, are nothing and my friends' are so much more important.

Look Ma and Tank hugged me last night at sticks campfire and told me to apply, that I better apply for a counselor position at camp.  When Look Ma hugged me, he held me so tightly and didn't let go.  I want someone to hug me like that again, like they mean it. Like they care for me and want to be around me.

I'm sorry to be such a downer. I'm just very sad and lonely at the moment.

I feel like I'm worth something when I'm at camp, when I make just one camper's day its the best feeling in the world. When you make someone smile or laugh.  I love it. I can make a difference in someone's life.

Anyway, MAC Cosmetics is having an event on the 22nd and 23rd of August, anyone want to make an appointment with me and go down get your makeup done (its free) then go see a movie or something? Let me know ^_^

um does anyone know this song http://www.putfile.com/media.php?n=MVI_8830 its from camp and i've been trying to find it for a couple years now. at least i've got something of the song now.

I am so bored. You can bet this entry is going to be worthwhile. Actually no not really. I am so tired. I think I'm going to go make some techno mix cds for some people. if you want one. let me know. ttfn

edit//

i don't believe this.

i just fell down the stairs.

now my right knee is swelling. so my entire left leg plus hip is sore from injections and bites and now my right knee.

something doesn't like me. lol

I just made a wicked awesome batch of snickerdoodles while rocking out to depeche mode and dropkick murphys. Now

I'm debating whether or not to make peanut butter blossoms. these are all for Hula, Pico, Look Ma, X, Dragon, and Tank. 6

people...maybe i'll make peanut butter blossoms and they can share with whoever. *shrugs* I dunno.

I have to go to the doctor todat at 3:30 so they can check my foot. I've had so many appointments this summer. jesus. its insane.

well that's all for now. I'm sick of my parents waking me up at 6 in the morning to check my foot. bugger, if somehthing is wrong,

i'll call you. oy vay. i'm tired. i also stayed up really late talking to the most unlikely person. very annoyed with myself because of it.

if he tries anything, he's dead. partly because i don't want him. i want someone else. he'll just throw me away again anyway, no point

in going through that again. anyway. lyrics for you all cause kelly c. has a good voice.

Time Begun: 5:08pm
Name: stephi
Birthday: 6/27
School: Gonzaga Preparatory
State: Washington
******************
Have you ever
******************
Been Kissed: yes
Done drugs: no
Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: no
Eaten sushi?: no
Been onstage: yes
Been dumped: yes
Has anyone ever been unfaithful to u?: in a sense
Gotten in a car accident: no
Watched Punky Brewster: no
Watched the Smurfs: Of course
Hiked a mountain: biked up one too
Stayed home on a Saturday night, just because: yup
Seen the White House: in person? no
*****************
Either/Or
******************

Blue or Red: Red
Rain or snow: rain
Give or receive: depends
Wool or cotton: cotton
Rose or daisy: rose
Private school or public school: Private
Chocolate milk or plain milk: chocolate
Celsius or Fahrenheit: fahrenheit
Spring or fall?: fall
History or Science?: history
Math or English: English
Alternative or Country: Alternative
******************
Opposite sex
******************
Do you like someone right now from the opposite sex?: yes. ssshhhhh
Do they know?: i'm not sure
Does anybody like you right now?: i don't know...that's a lie...
What do you look for in a woman/man?: likes to give hugs, is funny, not uptight, can just relax and chill, likes to do new things and takes the good with the bad
Your Friends
******************
Who's your funniest friend? Look Ma
Who makes you laugh/smile the most?: Liz
Who do you e-mail the most?: Nick
Who's the loudest?: tawny
Who's the shyest?: jo
Whose parents do you know the best?: mary's
Who are you jealous of?: no one
Who has the best room?: i do
Would you ever go out with one of your friends?: no
******************
Within the last 24 hours
******************
Had a serious talk?: yes
Hugged someone?: no :(
Gotten along with your parents?: yea
Fought with a friend?: nope
******************
Do you like to
******************
Give hugs?: yes
Give backrubs?: if i get one in return
Take walks in the rain?: LOVE TO
What color is your floor/carpet in your room?: beige with blots of black eyeliner smudged into it
What was the last CD you bought?: Dropkick Murphys
If you chew gum, what kind?: anything mint
What did u do last summer?: JC at Camp Reed
******************
About You
******************
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Nicknames: stupha, glow
Haircolor: brown, but currently red/purplish
EyeColor: brown
Skintone: tan
Any birthmarks?: yeah
******************
Which one of your Friends????
******************
Is most likely to grow up to be a model: liz maybe?
Is most likely to become a comedian: ne one of them
Have you known the longest: jedd and mary
Bestfriends: the melves (u know who u r)
Most likely to end up in jail: maggie...for taking out kneecaps
******************
Favorites....
******************
Food: fetucinni alfredo
T.V.Show: lost and blow out
Drink : root beer
Movie: lost in translation and the island
Actor: many
Actress: many
Restaurant: olive garden
Place to be: Camp Reed
Song: today it is bro hymn by pennywise
Singer/Group: Depeche Mode
Sport: softball
Color: something dark
Candy: chocolate
Have you Ever
******************
Been to a concert: yes
Been in a different country: yes
Cheated on a test: in 5th grade
Smoked: no
Bought something and then saw it cheaper somewhere else: what kind of question is that?? but yeah
Stole from somewhere or someone: only from my brother....well more borrowed it from him
Stalked someone: in good fun...
Played strip poker: no, unfortuantly, lol
******************
Love
******************
Single or Taken? single
If single, are you looking for someone?: yes
Who was your biggest crush: it's a tie between three guys: jeff in gradeschool
If you could go out with anyone who would it be: hayden christensen
Have you had a lot of bf's/gf's: like 3 since 6th grade
Have you ever had an online relationship?: no
Longest relationship?: greg, the 6th grade, we went out for 3 months
******************
Others
******************
What is your worst habit: spacing out when someone is speaking to me
What gets you really mad: disrespect
Scariest moment: Graves story at camp this year
Happiest moment: anytime at camp
What do you feel about homosexuals: doesn't matter much to me
Would you ever be a homosexual: no, i rather like being heterosexual
Do u dress like a slut/prep/snob/sporty/or just plain normal: however the hell i want to at the moment
Are you a hottie with a body or a cutie with a booty: hottie with a body. what?!
When was the last time you showered?: saturday
What color pants do you have right now?: purple/blue/white striped boxers
What color underwear do you have right now?: pink
What song are you listening to right now? the bomb--neuroticfish
What is the last thing that you said?: "that's my book i so never read"
What is right next to you?: my wall
What is your computer desk made of?: wood
What are the last 4 digits in your phone number?: 7752
What was the last thing you ate?: chedder chips
If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: silver
Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with?: My dog Candy for now.
Do you have a lava lamp?: yeah
How many buddies do you have on your list?: like 30
How's the weather right now?: hot
What did you do last night?: stayed up way to late talking to zane
Last person that you talked to on the phone?: um...greg;s friend. i answered.
What's the nicest thing you find about the opposite sex?: most are pretty funny
Who do you admire most?: Camp counselors
What is the nicest present you've gotten this year?: a hug from Tank and Look Ma
How do you eat an OREO?: i generally chew them
Fav M&M?: the chocolate ones
What makes you happy?: Camp Reed
Fave CD?: no idea, i have too many
Who are you thinking of right now?: camp, i miss it
If you could go anywhere in the world right now where would you go?: camp
Do you want to have kids when you grow up?: i dunno
What do you want to name your children?: colin, vianne annette, selenia amelie
Who means the most to you in your life right now?: friends at camp
Height?: 5'5"
Are you a meany?: not intentionally

So I've got not much to do today. I need to clean my room and shower. Might go out later when Becca gets back from training for her job but I don't know. I've really got to clean, its insane. Reading for AP English would be a good thing too and starting the  notes. *facepalm* Oh, i need to contact UW and WWU cause we're heading over in October to check out those schools then just chill for a couple days in Seattle. Yay. Rochelle and Mary, if you'd be interested in coming let me know, we're taking a couple friends over with us. Depending on who wants to come, who can come and how much space we have. But yeah. Oh and again, Mary and Rochelle: do you want to make appointments at MAC? Just wondering, so I can plan.

Anyway, I suppose I'll start cleaning. Ta Ta

i kind of want to cry right now. i don't know why. its like, tears i needed to cry long ago but i can't now.

someone please call me, 953-8233

or email. wraithagentarwen@comcast.net

i just need hugs, no drama, and some fun. just to go out and get ice cream or something. um yeah. i don't know what's wrong.

edit

Now I'm pissed off. Don't know why but I just had a rant. Still don't feel better. I might as well have bit off Zane's fingers I snapped at him so bad. Bloody fucking argh.

Summer lovin' had me a blast - summer lovin', happened so fast
I met a girl crazy for me - I met a boy, cute as can be
Summer days driftin' away, to uh-oh those summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more, did you get very far?
Tell me more, tell me more, like, does he have a car?

She swam by me, she got a cramp - he went by me, got my suit damp
I saved her life, she nearly drowned - he showed off, splashing around
Summer sun, something's begun, but uh-oh those summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more, was it love at first sight?
Tell me more, tell me more, did she put up a fight?

Took her bowlin' in the Arcade - we went strollin', drank lemonade
We made out under the dock - we stayed out until ten o'clock
Summer fling don't mean a thing, but uh-oh those summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more, that you don't got her preg
Tell me more, tell me more, cause he sounds like a drag

He got friendly, holdin' my hand - well she got friendly, down in the
sand
He was sweet, just turned eighteen - well she was good, you know what I
mean
Summer heat, boy and girl meet, but uh-oh those summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more, how much dough did he spend?
Tell me more, tell me more, could she get me a friend?

It turned colder, that's where it ends - so I told her we'd still be
friends
Then we made our true love vow - wonder what she's doin' now
Summer dreams ripped at the seams, but oh, those summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more.

Anyway. I really want to go star gazing one night before school starts. *sigh* anyway...

I'm tired. Well no, well...yeah...I'm something between tired and such...lol I dunno. I'm watching Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring, its been a long time since I watched this movie, or any of them for that matter. Yay for little hobbitses. The wraiths creeped me out.

Anyway, I'm bored.Out of my mind. I think I'll do a couple shout outs, never have before, but want to

rochelle: have fun in germany, bring back pictures. how long will you be gone?

mary: boys, boys, boys! lol, love you and hope all is well

jim: you've had a crazy insane busy summer, everybody at camp got sick, apparently kids were throwing up on the porch early saturday morning, like 2 AM, when counselors were doing a raid. it was insane. anyway, that's old news. 

Woo, I need a break. I'm going on the deep clean room mission. Ew, old lip gloss...just tried to open it and the lid comes off, well half of it. Ew, anyway, this is insane, I'm such a pack rat, I've got two garbage bags full of garbage and other bags full of stuff for a garage sale. it is insane. i need a break. actually i need my mom to get home now so i can be like, let's go get organizers for my closet NOW. or I will have no place to sleep tonight. oh that might be her.

edit//

oy vay. he complicates things so much. i lied to him about something not good to lie about last night. I'm sick of feeling used. UGH. but nothing happened so I'm ok. ho hum.

James leaves for Laguna Beach next week. I will cry if I see him on that show. But he's smarter than that. yes indeed. yay for James. Rats! I have no one to hang out with now when we go over to the Millers, not that I ever really did but, no one my age. Sad. I'll be dragging someone along next time. anyway. i'm bored as hell. IM is not amusing me. well, who i'm talking to anyway. ha. blah.

meteor shower tonight. yay. kind of. i wish i was at camp to watch it. *sigh* you can see the milky way when you're there.

Must Love Dogs was pretty good. There were some hilarious scenes. "You'd look good in handcuffs" and the frantic search for a condom was priceless. Oh good times. Thank you Josh for going to see that with me ^_^ and I feel bad because I never said thanks for paying, thanks for walking me to my car. i can pay you back if you want?

But it was pretty fun. amusing stuff. still can't get over the handcuff line. brilliant. brilliant i tell you. probably because i have handcuffs. lol.  but man, it was nice to just get out for a change. But yeah, I had fun. I want someone to "teach me to row" or "teach me...something" see the film. you will understand. tehe. only awkward scene...crying shower scene. i was just like....awk...ward....anyway. i'm tired. but happy.

i saw a shooting star on the way home...then i got home looked up and was like oh bugger, i want to star gaze. but alas, i am not. hmmm, well i'm off, i'm sleepy. ttfn, xoxo

Yay, I can walk through my room! lol, still not super clean but my closet is sparkly clean...if that's possible, its organzied anyway. yay.

This film is so goofy, A Life Less Ordinary, but Ewan McGregor is brilliant. "So she left you?" "No no no no no no. No...Yeah she left me." Anyway. You can tell I'm bored. I'll probably go lie outside a read some of Jane Eyre, I really need to read it for AP English...or I'll be screwed over. Ha. Yup.  Cameron Diaz can't sing. She's ruining Ewan's voice. Anyway. I should make a collage...or something artistic. No idea what to do. Ho hum. This post is so pointless.

J'aime l'ete. c'est tres amusant. je rate l'ecole quelquefois, mais pas beaucoup.

je ne sais pas! Je suis tres ennui. mais j'ai ma imagination. quand je suis la vie m'ennuie, ma imagination n'est pas propre.

Je veux aller au cinema avec quelquefois. oui, deja. j'adore les films. je veux voix tous les films.

Hmm, anyway, lol, brushing up on my french. not sure i got all of it right. ho hum. bored. someone IM me, msn: darkriderarwen@att.net or  aim: aielelfjeannie or yahoo: fire_sage_zelda

yup so bored.

Yay I have plans for this week! lol. i've been cleaning for like a week at most. insane.

anyway, i fought with my mom a ton today.

I need to go get ready for bed. so yea. anyway.

edit//

 i'm happy. uber happy. and so i'm watching the happy part of titanic. i want a kiss like that. anyway. off to wait for the kiss. i love that scene. and the car scene. the hand thing. lol. flanman last year talking about titanic in chemistry. so amusing. anyway. lol. yay for coldplay. and not sleeping. well trying to sleep.

So Bride and Prejudice was good. Naveen Andrews dances. Not just dances but full on Indian dancing. It's wonderful! And then I got on the freeway after I left Nori's and there was barely anyone on there when I got on and I had my windows down, music loud, speeding along. I love doing that. The summer air, its just wicked. Its not something you can do in the winter and feel the same. So amazing. For me anyway. *sigh*

Hmm, didn't do much today, didn't have much to do. could've read but did I? No. I went to meet Becca at the dollar store. That didn't work. lol. long story short. I had forgotten my cell phone, she was late, we ended up playing cat and mouse. i got home and right as i walked in the door Greg comes up to me, becca's on the phone right now. lol. it was funny. we had a laugh about it.

I can kind of see the stars. But its really smokey out. sadness. oh well. anyway. tffn, xoxo

Sad, I think it stopped raining. I say 'sad' way too much. Anyway...yay for random thunder blasts O.o

Didn't really sleep well last night, well I kept waking up and listening to the rain. Weird dreams of camp combined with other things. It was really odd. 

No! Why is the sun coming out?! Rain some more damn it!

I'm bored. I have nothing to do today. *yawn* I'm tired too. Oh well. Shit. School starts in a week and a half. *facepalm*

That's right. I've decided I'm not going to go on the trip with Carroll and Stigs. Why? I'd rather be at Camp Reed. And I would rather go to England for a longer period of time or just not go in a tour because you only have so much time to do things. Its just I don't want to have to worry and stress about the trip and getting money for it. And I would much rather be at camp. My mom was shocked when I told her that. That's how much I love Camp Reed. Enough to say, 'if I'm hired and I miss staff week, England isn't worth it.' That's like staff bonding time and the time new counselors are shown the basics and such. Its just if England meant I had to miss out on an entire summer of camp, I'll give it up. I can wait. I will wait.

So that's that. No more England Trip for the end of senior year. One day I'll go to England with Mr. Stigs and Mr. Carroll though. I will. And it will ROXORS.

So me and Becca went to the mall and shopped, we went into Wet Seal and Becca bought some cute stuff ^_^ I had $10 so yeah...not much for me to buy. lol. But its ok, I found a CUTE skirt. I want it. Oh and guess who ran into like two seconds after we had been talking about him. Zane. It was kind of funny. Sam Pollock and Mimms were with him for his birthday. So yeah. It was fun shopping ^_^ yay! OK, I'm cold. I wonder if our hot tub is working. We have a hot tub. Why did that just hit me? Hmm. lol.

ttfn, xoxo

Johnny Knoxville is hot. A few of the scenes in Dukes of Hazzard, first and last, cough, are the reason i will have restless sleep tonight. *bites lip*

enough said ;)

Restless night, I think I thrashed about quite a bit. I woke up sore, lol. S'all good though. Weird, weird, weird dreams. Bit by penguin at camp in one. O.o because there are penguins at camp and the lake extends to the arts and crafts builiding...not. then i was kidnapped and hauled off down the road and mr.steigleder was there but didn't do anything to help me...and before that, frodo fucked something up in the mission by letting some signal go off. and um...yeah...that was the general idea of last night's dreams. fun times.

dukes of hazzard as i said is a wonderful movie. am going to go see Red Eye tonight and watch Cillian Murphy slam Rachel McAdams into an airplane restroom and lock the door and threaten her life. *drools* *cough* i mean...that is so not hot...*cough* lies. it is hot. jesus! have you seen the previews for it?! She opens the door, he's standing there, sees that she's written something on the mirror about helping her and he shoves her backwards, locks the door and holds her down. Only Cillian can do that and be hot. He is also the only one who can go insane in a movie, be strapped to a chair in a straightjacket and still be total sex. anyway. enough of pretty movie stars.

i'm sick of my parents not being able to fall asleep until i get home at night. i mean, yeah, they can worry, they're my parents, but i'm fine. i've told them i'm fine. *facepalm* parents. ho hum.

edit//

anyway, so i'll be leaving around 8 tonight....yessum, meeting at riverpark square. gar. pay for bloody parking. bastards.

I cannot WAIT to see The 40 yr old virgin. omg. hilarious. i can't wait. but for now, creepy stalker thrillers.

im bored. *facepalm* its only 7:20.

that's all for now, *muah!* xoxo

I cannot review this film without bias. If it sucked, I have no clue, because half the things Cillian Murphy's character did were turn ons. For example, the airplane restroom scene, the pinning of the arms against the wall near the end. All very, very, very hot. And the only line I remember cleary, "Thanks for the quickie." Before he opens the restroom door when indeed, nothing happened. It was so hot. I see it Liz, I really do.
However, Cillian is just another pretty person in the world and I am content with the boy I've got ;) and its probably for the better that he is not
a) insane b) a stalker or c) trying to kill me with a 12 inch knife

So I'd say I have it pretty good. lol. That is all for now, I have no idea what's going on, except I might be doing something with maggie and becca and i might be meeting josh...mais je ne sais pas! je ne sais pas de chose en avance, mais toujours à la dernière minute. ah, c'est la vie. je suis fatigue.

*muah!* xoxo

the "muah" thing is supposed to be like, "kiss!"

*yawn* made it home, 2 minutes before 1 AM...

X-files is fun to watch.

mmmm, im hungry. but oh so sleepy..

tonight was fantastic for numerous reasons.

yay for trampolines.

but i'm happy. tired. content. and so totally going to fall out of this chair in 2 seconds.

*thud*

Am thoroughly pissed at the parents. yet again. stupid cars and gas prices. well more gas prices. have nothing against cars except that they need gas to run. Ha. ggrrr. *cries* OK then.

I was dreaming about Camp Reed, big surprise, but I was dreaming about the interview process for being a counselor. Loco didn't like me suddenly...it was sad, but I think I got the job...well in the dream because I was with the counselors a lot. *sigh* I don't know, but I'm stressing about that already. You send in the app in November. You get called in for an interview and you find out in March whether you're going to be a counselor or not. Kind of nerveracking. Oh well.

Senior/Frosh mixer tonight. Maggie isn't going, Becca is suddenly unsure and I'm just like thanks guys. Tho, Maggie doesn't have a car so slight drawback for her. gah.

I have to go take Max, the little devil dog, to be groomed here in a minute. hohum.

The new depeche mode song totally ROCKS.

Last night was so fricking insane. I was on such a high, lol. It was so much fun. And Mr. Steigleder was a DJ. That of course fricking rocked. Cause its Stigs. I saw him and was like, OMG, I have to tell you something! Depeche Mode...yada x5. *facepalm* I'm a freak, lol. But I was excited to see Stigs again. I danced like crazy and it was fun. Christina came up with this move for "ice ice baby" and there were like 6 of us doing it, it was great. Then we went to Denny's and that was so much more funny. I will never look at ice scupltures the same way again. Maggie brought up that chewing on ice is a sign of sexual frustration. And I'm like, "I chew on ice...a lot" and then I was told, "That doesn't surprise me, you probably chew on ice sculptures." And then it got interesting. Well, kind of, more like what the ice sculptures were scupltures of is where the conversation was lead and it was...frightening, just a bit.  just a bit. but amusing. then we decided to go over to franklin park and i was still acting like a coked up 6 year old. I was so amused by all the toys. but they didn't have one of those spiny things :( I need to find a park with one of those soon. they're so much fun. *sigh*

Then this morning I had a dentist appointment. jesus christ, the lady made me bleed. I've never bled before and I was like, huh...metallic-y...then I saw her glove and there's blood all over the fingers and I'm just like, well fuck. there was quite a bit. That was the worst experience ever. gah.

So I was up majorly early for that, and I'm just like wow, more time. sweet. but its going to be a boring day, ho hum. And I'm dropping AP english so I'm not going to read. I'm going to bask in my final 2 days of vacation. I need something to do. *cries* I can't believe summer is over.

anyway, yay for cheesy 80s movies with the best kissing scenes.

*xfiles movie is eh...tv show is better

*trampolines continue to be wonderful inventions

*unnatural sounds in the woods are creepy. and random cracking sticks.

*some couches are too damn small

*its really cold outside

*im wide awake now. hmph. kinda.

*ummm...im fading....lol. registration tomorrow. *dies*

good night! xoxo!

I'm spending my last day/night of freedom lying around doing nothing. this is sad. i want to go out, do something, go to starbucks and get a yummy yummy mint chocolate chip frappucino...sp???? or a caramel one. *cries* something. i'm bored. and hungry. and greg stole one of my binders so i have to go get another one. rawr. that was random.

mmm, i think i'm going to go jump around on the trampoline.

i'm kind of ancy to sleep and get the first day of school over with.

well no trampoline. its dark and i hate being alone out there. im really tired, so i'll sleep well tonight, be in bed by 10:30 probably. start a new book tonight, maybe, i dunno. i've got to finish with stuff for school. i have like 4 text books. french, english, history, and a couple handbooks for cst/english. woot.

hmm :( i'm going to go put on some green tea, my throat doesn't feel well...i hope i'm not sick. that'd be bad, and i was just sick a couple weeks ago! come of it, sick again. no way. :(

Just watched Gone in 60 Seconds. Pretty good movie, favorite line, "What's more exciting, having sex or boosting cars?" "Having sex while boosting cars." *giggles* lol, anyway. I'm so bored now. No school tomorrow, heck yes!

Didn't do much today, got my hair cut, I should've just waited to have Steve cut it. Brilliant stylist that man. Aw well, I got rid of the mullet I was sporting, *gags* thank god. looked fine in pigtails. should've waited.

ahhh headache.i

ahhh i'm chewing on ice like a beaver chews wood.

I feel like a chipmunk, my mouth is sore and I would really like to cry.

meh.

The numbness has subsided and left me with pain. IB profen has not helped :( i'm bummed out, tonight sucks, really don't want to go to school tomorrow...well more like be up at 6 AM to shower >_<

I'm hungry. the attempt to eat failed, quite painful, and even drinking chocolate milk hurts. stupid shots. especially the one in the back of my mouth cause it wasn't numb when the needle went in. *cringe*

i don't know why i feel like crying right now, the pain maybe? no one is online to talk to...i've felt random surges of tears today every time i've watched the news as well. my cousin is in the hurricane's direct path because his stupid mother was like, we're going to stay, and my uncle tried to fly him out but his mom wouldn't let him go. so i've been worried about my cousin quite a bit. plus stupid shots/dentist killing my night. my feet are going numb...actually no, they are numb.

ho hum. i don't know. i'm going to go soak my feet or take a bubble bath or something. do i have bubbles...i think my mom threw them out. oh rats.

 i've got a knot forming in my shoulders so I need to try and relax. bath probably not going to help much, i wish my mother would let me go to a masseuse like i've been asking her for a year.

the coyotes are howling. i'm out.

my bubbles are gone. my mother threw them out. and the place i bought them closed. i want bubbles.

my mouth is sore.

i ache.

um. yeah.

hopefully tomorrow will be better :)

So first full day, yesterday, was exhausting. I was dead tired. And then I got 9 hours of sleep so I am so set right now. Yay. Homework took me a loooong time. Cause I'm distracted easily. And the TV was on so yeah. But its all good now, um what happened today. i don't like Hagedorn, when I go see Stigs tomorrow, I want to ask him what he taught when he was Western Lit teacher. So yeah. Boring day really. Was in pain again. Ugh. Some being hates me right now. But yeah, I'm better now, so yay! Oh Stigs liked the Depeche Mode single, yay!!! lol, really sad that I'm excited about that. lol, I'm that big of a freak. oh, someone stole my fucking lock from my locker! Liz and I were sooo pissed off. I went to the bathroom, came back and it was gone! that was my camp reed lock too, gah, bastards. *fumes* anyway...what else.

yesterday, Mr. Carroll had me draw a poster for the England trip thing, lol. Oh Mr. Carroll. He's so much fun. And he told me he may recruit me if I learn how to work the ropes course at camp reed! and he said in a couple years, i could of course come along on the england trip!! So happy!!! lol. So yeah. yay. um that's it really. I'm going to shower *tonight* because um, getting up at 6 isn't working for me. ha. yeah.anyway. i'm off for now.

xoxo

Sin City was a trippy movie...kind of freaked out about the yellow dude, just not cool...lol. i'm really tired but the spinny thing was fun!!!!!!!

flogging molly tomorrow.

am thoroughly pissed with someone at this moment. thank you josh for withstanding the very small rant that took place. wasn't that big but still.

i am tired. already said that. have to check myspace too. ta ta

I just burned my finger with my flat iron. *teary eyes* ouuuuch.

um mary should we plan for another weekend? haven't heard from you and i've got to be going out here in a bit anyway.

blister forming on finger. ouch.

so flogging molly tonight, i have to call josh, figure out what's going on, what ze plan is. so yeah.

mr. stigs might be there with mr. carroll, if he is i will die laughing. ahaha. that's all for now.

Flogging Molly was insane. I lost Greg during the 2nd act and for the rest of the concert. But it was so awesome. I love their lead singer. ♥ He was so awesome, he was like, "you fuckin' bastards!" and all that, he's Irish. It rocked and I was like, *drools over 40-something lead singer* lol. Well not drools but he roxored my socks. Josh and I got sick of being pushed so we went upstairs then came back down.
Zane hurt his arm moshing. lol. His shirt was drenched in sweat, and not only his. lol.
So yeah, I lost Greg. His first concert. I had visions of him being sucked into the mosh pit, trying to get out and being trampled. I was like, oh god. But later, he comes out after the concert sweating and I go,
"Were you moshing?!"
"...Yeah."
"*dies laughing*"
His first concert, Flogging Molly, bloody insane, and he moshes!
At one point I saw a bald head that looked like Steigleder and I was like, "WTF STEIGLEDER'S MOSHING? Oh wait...that's not him. haaa."
So that was insane.
I want to see them again. It was fun.
♥

LOST Season 1 comes out on DVD this week! Squeee! The premiere is the 21st. It'll be here in no time!

I'll post the few pictures I got from the concert later in my photo album w/camp reed. anything like a concert or camp or something will be in that album.

1.smoked a cigarette : no

2.smoked a cigar : no

3.made out with a member of the same sex : no

4.crashed a friend's car : no

5.stolen a car : no

6.been in love : yes

7.been dumped : yes

8.shoplifted: raided the store at camp reed... 

9.been fired : no

10.been in a fist fight : no

11.snuck out of your house : no

12.had feelings for someone who didnt have them back : yes

13.been arrested : rent a cop run in 

14.made out with a stranger : no

15.gone on a blind date : kind of...

16.lied to a friend : yes

17.had a crush on a teacher : yes

18.skipped school : yes

19.slept with a co-worker : no

20.seen someone die : no

21.been on a plane : yes

22.thrown up in a bar : no

23.taken painkillers : yes

24.love someone or miss someone right now : yes

25.laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by: yes

26.made a snow angel: yes

27.played dress up : yes

28.cheated while playing a game : yes

29.been lonely : yes

30.fallen asleep at work/school : de temps en temps

31.used a fake id: no

32.felt an earthquake : yes

33.touched a snake : yes

34.ran a red light : yes

35.been suspended from school: no

36.had detention : no

37.been in a car accident : no

38.hated the way you look : yes

39.witnessed a crime : no

40.pole danced : kind of

41.been lost : yes

42.been to the opposite side of the country: middle

43.felt like dying: unfortunately yes

44.cried yourself to sleep: yes

45.played cops and robbers: yes, got thrown in the lake. whoo fun times as a JC

46.sang karaoke: yes

47.done something you told yourself you wouldn't : yes

48.laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose: yes

49.caught a snowflake on your tongue: yes

50.kissed in the rain: no. i want to. make out in the rain. yes. passionate, french kiss, tongue and all, with the rain pouring down. i want that.

51.sing in the shower : yes

52.made love in a park : no

53.had a dream that you married someone : yes

54. glued your hand to something : no, but i remember greg truthan in 2nd grade glued his hands together and i had to take him to the office 

55. got your tongue stuck to a flag pole : no

56.worn the opposite sex's clothes : tshirts. but they were my own. i want to wear another guys' shirt ;) 

57.been a cheerleader : yes

58. sat on a roof top : no, how sad

59. didn't take a shower for a week : yes 

60.ever to scared to watch scary movies alone : hell yes 

61.played chicken : yes

62.been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on : yes

63.been told you're hot by a complete stranger: yes 

64.broken a bone : no

65.been easily amused : yes

66.laugh so hard you cried: yes

67.mooned/flashed someone: not on purpose....long story

68.cheated on a test : yes

69.forgotten someone's name : yes

70.slept naked: shirtless

71.gone skinny dipping in a pool : no

72.been kicked out of your house : no

73.blacked out from drinking : no

74.played a prank on someone : yes

75.gone to a late night movie : yes

76.made love to anything not human : wtf, no! 

77.failed a class : no

78.choked on something you're not supposed to eat : no

79.played an instrument for more than 10 hours : no

80.cheated on a gf/bf : no

81.ate a whole package of oreos : of mini oreos

82.thrown strange objects : yes

83.felt like killing someone : yes

84.thought about running away : yes

85.ran away : no

86.done a drug: no

87.had detention and not attend it: no

88.yelled at parents : yes

89.made parent cry : no

90.cried over someone : yes

91.owned more than 5 sharpies : yes

92.dated more than 1 person at once :no

93.have a dog : yes

94.have a cat : no

95.own an instrument : yes

96.been in a band : supposedly

97.had more than 25 sodas in one day : no

98.broken a cd : yes

99.shot a gun : yes

100.told the truth about all of the above: yes

i am this close *makes gesture with fingers* to losing it. well probably not but i need to get out of my house asap.i have nothing, zip, zero, zilch, nada, rien faire! rien faire is french meaning nothing to do. i wanted to go down to pig out in the park, palm readers and henna, but everyone's already gone. so. i don't know what to do. i did my homework yesterday so i wouldn't have anything to do today but yeah. bad idea i guess.

oh never mind. scratch all that.

So I was absolutley fucking bored of my mind, and halfway through a pointless post about being bored, Zane called me and I whisked my butt out of the house, spent 15 minutes trying to figure out how to work the subaru seat, its automatic and didn't like me, then went downtown and met Zane at Pig Out in the Park and we ended up wandering aimlessly around for chocolate covered cheesecake, which we finally found. He wouldn't let me go to a palm read, said he'd break my palms...ouch. Eventually found the cheesecake, didn't finish all of mine, sad times. Then we went to see if Nick was working, he wasn't. Then off to Boo Radleys where I was suddenly entranced by this sex book thing. Of course. Then Zane had to pry me away from it and we went up to see if there were any movies showing. Nope. And this is when we're standing in front of the movie theater and this guy picks up this $20 bill (or bills) in front of us and he asks if its ours and we look at each other, he walks away and zane goes, hit me. i deserve it. how the fuck did we miss a couple $20s on the ground?! Then he tried to get me to go up to the counter, because the guy turned the money in, and get the money. yeah. no. then we went and got food. sat for a bit, talked, then left, dropped him off, I went over to Northtown, bought Death Cab for Cutie's new album and I am in love with it. Then I came home. I still have a headache, meh. But its all good. So anyway. At least I did something today.

I'm still annoyed and upset with my mom. And my thoughts. I don't know.

i  woke up depressed and shaken. not sure why, i hope the day goes by fast.

i really need to get dressed, so i guess i'll go do that. but yeah. huh.

So today, I learned that of the five "love languages" Physical Touch is how I feel loved. OK let me explain. The 5 love languages are

1. words of attainment

2. quality time

3. recieving gifts

4. acts of service

5. physical touch

One of those is a person's main way of feeling love.  I respond to physical touch. It's not just sex. Its hugs, kisses, touch on the shoulder, holding hands, pat on the back, and so on. This explains my constant want/need of hugs, to be held, kissed, whatever.  That's how I feel most loved.

So, random tidbit about me today. School was productive, or at least Dourghty's class. Brigid and I won tshirts! it rocked, we got the highest score on the love quiz thing dourghty gave us. and sadly, i was the only one who got the gilligan's island one. what is the name of the married couple? the howels. yup, go me and my super cool gilligan's island dvd set.  shut up, you know i'm cool.  :p

Um what else, got to grade and do some stuff in AE. finally. lol. And let's see, oh I have to finish art, read for ap euro, wait for deanna to call to get our french dialogue set. 4 lines. psshhh, nothing. i got a 10/10 on my french paper!!! go me, even one of the top students didn't get 10/10. i was like, fuck yah! english, blah. ap euro...*dies* maucione is sooooo boring. i should have known better from last year and taken feryn for cwa. i love feryn. he rocks my socks, i should have TAed for him one semester. rats. anyway.i guess i'll go do my super easy homework and get it done now! ta ta!

xoxo

Hot shower. yay.

wonderful boy who I can cry my guts out to. quadruple yay!

creepy shadow my dad saw run across the road. no yay.

Hot Shower AND yummy smelling shampoo, triple yay.

Need to sleep at 9:30. amazing.

feeling better. maybe i was just needing to balance out the natural swing of things. hmm, i dunno. well i have some story stuff for Mr. Steigleder to look at and I need a list of music I want from him. indeed.

yay! was in bed at 9:30, and i feel fantastic. and guess what. DEPECHE MODE TOUR DATES! NOV. 16TH IN SEATTLE! SQUEEEEEEEEEE!

ok.

Hmm, so today. Not much. Did something for TAing. Labelle did his name that tune and I fucking got it. Of course I got none of the ones from last year but of course this year when I'm TAing...oy vay. lol.

During Mass, there was a woman and her grandson probably, but a little boy and he kept poking becca's pants it was soooo super cute. i wanted to hold him. so cute.

they started playing flogging molly during lunch, jim got up to dance and i told zane to start moshing.

Uhmmm. So I've only got French for homework this weekend, fuck yeah.

I wish my hair would grow faster. random sidenote. I think I'll dye it this weekend.

I'm uber bored. haha! and greg's stealing the car and going to the mixer . >_<

American Pie 2 is so damn funny. I have to see the other two!!! Van Wilder had some funny parts too...the massage oil. tehe!

I am uber tired and cold, but I don't dare complain because Josh has a cold ride home :(

So tomorrow I'll be off with Mary hopefully for an hour or so looking at dresses...i'm going to freeze at knight flight i think. then possibly go and do something with josh? don't know.

i'm going to sleep now.

i have had a shitty day.

no sleep.

pumped full of caffine at 2:50 PM. one grande caramel machiato.

insecurity level is at high.

words left unspoken: many.

trust level: low.

need to go sick up: high.

need to sleep: high.

need to talk: high.

wish to talk: yes.

need to laugh: high.

need of a heater: high.

need to know what's going on: high.

half hugs recieved today: two.

full hugs recieved today: zero.

advice recieved from: steigleder.

need to go hit something/take out aggression: high.

need to get new music: high.

feeling of not belonging/abandonment: medium.

oh tomorrow's late start. thank you god.

i guess i was wrong. or overanalyzed or something. but. hey.

i'm not okay.

What chance did I have
With the silver moon
Hanging in the sky
Opening old wounds

is it god's lot in life to make me miserable and lonely? it must be. i don't understand.

number of headaches today due to crying: one long continous one with different pain levels.

number of hugs recieved: 5

number of massages given: 1

number of teachers who are understanding: 3

homework assignments tonight: 2

hope to go out and get something like a caramel machiato or frapuccion: high

need of food due to not eating: high

leaving when: now/

I had like no homework tonight and I was really happy. I got it done in like 20 minutes so I got to kick back enjoy the x-files, cry, watch seinfeld, cry some more. Then I went out to pick up the Postal Service album for my brother. and I bought Flogging Molly's Within a Mile of Home. Bought a crochet thing. hook. I want to learn as does Lizzy G unless she already has? I don't know.

In life choices today we answered the 10 questions thing from the opposite sex and Dourghty went through the first two sets of answers on the guys and girls. Question for guys, why do they like boobs? 1st Answer: They're awesome Other answers consisted of, they're sexual, we don't have them, they're interesting, and just because.

I gave Bryce his Liger sticker, he liked it and it made me happy.

Uhm...right, I haven't eaten anything "real" in like 36 hours. Possibly 48.

And my full dream last night: There were four people doing some play in the middle of this desert. There was a playhouse. When I went on stage for the 3rd performance, I blanked out and forgot my lines and had to improvise, which I did well. I run off the stage and into the desert to be surrounded by a rock walls and sand. There's something to do with a nerd and figurines and him liking me (?) and there's explosions all around. Sayid (?) is there. We run into the rock cliffs and try to protect ourselves, I end up climbing through this wooden box that I had crawled into, and I'm in some town, and Ewan McG, younger, and even more appealing, like the absolute perfect him, are in this shop, we go upstairs, still in a shop, go into a room and then, sex. mm, pot pies. no. mmm, food.

Did not see Stigs today. But that was my own doing. I really don't want to be in there every day after school. i'm sure he has much better things to do than listen to me.

Say Anything--I think I want it on dvd. "I wasn't going to sleep with him, but then I attacked him." LOL. oh good times.

uhmmmm yeah.

My heart is aching
My body is burning
My hands are shaking
My head is turning
Do you understand
It’s so easy to choose
We’ve got time to kill
We’ve got nothing to lose
I want you now

Those are the song lyrics of the day.

my life is boring.

gizoogle is awesome. colin steigleda, ben walka, fun times. lol.

i'm bored. should probably study haaa, shit.

so i'm standing in front of my sink, washing my face. and i keep thinking, silly boys. that reminds me of silly rabbit. trix are for kids. and suddenly i'm like, silly boys, girls are for men. i'm highly amused with myself.

josh, knight flight tickets...money...yeah. oh well. lol.

i'm crazy insanely weird right now.

thick, creamy and loaded with pecans. just take out pecans and you've got yourself the means for a pick up line.

ahahaha.

i'm tired.

I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved

as far as i'm concerned. guys suck right now. except for stigs. so here's a big fuck you to guys! some more than others. but still. i am NOT a happy camper right now.

OMG OMG OMG

LOST IS SO AWESOME. JESUS! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. OK OK. BACK TO THE SUSPENSE. AHHH 5 MINUTES LEFT. EEEEK

yeah, wooo for local concerts at fat tuesdays. the click five is going to be there 10th of Oct. so sweet stuff. Went with Liz, fun times. We stayed for one band, the smoking got to me and i can't hear properly right now, SO. yeah. lol. meh, feel sick cause of the smoke. but ya, Derby, kick ass band, got their CD.

ah fat tuesdays. good memories. amusing...meg licked my hand to wet the ink to put on her hand so she could get back in. that was an enlightening experience.

i'm tired. woot woot. i was in bed at 9:30 last night and man, slept the entire night woke up randomly at 5:30 then bam slept til 6:50 giving me barely enough time to get ready this morning. insane.

well i'm off for now.

i am craving mexican food like none other. we have no food in our house. its really sad. and the chicken nuggets i just ate were sickening.

i really want to go to Azteca but my moms like no, blah blah blah.

*sigh*

I just ate a lot of chocolate. Indeed, yummy.

dakota by stereophonics is a fucking amazing song.

Thinking back, thinking of you
Summertime think it was June
Yeah think it was June
Laying back, head on the grass
Chewing gum having some laughs
Yeah having some laughs.

You made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one
The one
You made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one
The one

Drinking back, drinking for two
Drinking with you
When drinking was new
Sleeping in the back of my car
We never went far
Didn't need to go far

You made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one
The one
You made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one
The one

I don’t know where we are going now
I don’t know where we are going now

Wake up call, coffee and juice
Remembering you
What happened to you?
I wonder if we’ll meet again
Talk about life since then
Talk about why did it end

You made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one
The one
You made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one
The one

I don’t know where we are going now
I don’t know where we are going now

So take a look at me now

I feel like I did absolutely nothing this weekend.

I did start my Western application and finish Geisha, A Life and start Lullaby.

Was ordered around a lot by my mother, felt like Cinderella without the prince part...it was horrible.

I really need to go out and look for a job...I mean I could really use the money...especially to store some away for college so when I'm off in Seattle/Bellingham I can actually do things.

Senior Pilgrimage tomorrow...meh...not sure what to expect. not big on religious retreat stuff.

Mary: remember Steps??? i so just found one of their music videos...oh memories...

i can't sleep.

this really sucks.

I HAVE FUCKING AMAZING SEATS FOR DEPECHE MODE!!! AHAHAHAH!

and apart from that news, today sucked.

i fell asleep kind of...to this song on the way back from the senior pilgrimage, it'd been a long time since I last listened to it...anyway, it just...fits i guess.

My lullaby,hung out to dry
What’s up with that
It’s over
Where are you dad
Mum’s lookin’ sad
What’s up with that
It’s dark in here

Why bleeding is breathing
You’re hiding , underneath the smoke in the room
Try , bleeding is believing
I used to

My mouth is dry
Forgot how to cry
What’s up with that
You’re hurting me
I’m running fast
Can’t hide the past
What’s up with that
You’re pushing me

Why , bleeding is breathing
You’re hiding , underneath the smoke in the room
Try , bleeding is believing
I used to
I used to

Why , bleeding is breathing
You’re hiding , underneath the smoke in the room
Try , bleeding is breathing
I saw you crawling on the floor

Why , bleeding is breathing
You’re hiding , underneath the smoke in the room
Try , bleeding is breathing
I saw you crawling to the door

Why , bleeding is breathing
You’re hiding , underneath the smoke in the room
Try , bleeding is breathing
I saw you falling on the floor

all i can say is i need a shower and that i ache SO badly. man oh man. and we have no ib profen. and a heating pad would be nice. jesussssssssssssssss.

eeek. so much to do today. i have to get hair dye, makeup and such. ack. its going to be cold tonight. oh vell. yes vell.

weird dreams of steigleder, an airport, mr. dourghty, a party, tokyo, camp reed, riding horses, bats, birds, searching for something, and...yeah...it was really weird.

um i need to go see if i can down some ib profen, eat, then go out. oy vay.

so dye hair. do nails. do hair. do makeup. what else...hmmm....

fuck it. i'm not doing ap euro. i can afford to skip 4 pages.

now i'm listening to sappy 80s love songs.

damn it.

i want to sleep.

or cry.

or something.

i was so happy earlier

now i'm just depressed.

i can't wait for seattle next weekend. in two weeks. going with liz. it'll be fun.

then a month later, depeche mode. 

i'm lovesick i think.

fuck.

http://photobucket.com/albums/a255/haydenlove/Knight%20Flight/

knight flight pics.

god that was fun.

jesus sleep helps.

but it wasn't enough.

i need more.

holy god, enough with the drama. jesus christ. and if i'm going to be involved at least have the decency to tell me or something.

*screams* OK, I'm fine.  Highly amused, but annoyed. I'm so sick of drama amd people who start the drama. its maddening i tell you, MADDENING.

But so amusing. I get a kick out of drama. oh man.

so ya. 3rd period, FUN TIMES with carroll, labelle and maucione. no juniors. it was SO amusing to listen to them. then stigs came down to tell carroll something. So ya. fun times.

watching oprah...sex offendors...its scary...and its so sad. especially this story, this dad who's daughter was kidnapped and raped and buried alive 150 feet from her home.  she was 10 years old.

sorry this just got really depressing...but oprah is really depressing...

i have no homework...i'm bored...and no where to go.

So ya.

Good night. Good day.

Not much to report at the moment.

Looove this song.

Let me know that I've done wrong
When I've known this all along
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you

Tell me all that you've thrown away
Find out games you don't wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret

Who has to know
When we live such fragile lives
It's the best way we survive
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you

Tell me all that you've thrown away
Find out games you don't wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret

Who has to know
The way she feels inside (inside)
Those thoughts I can't deny (deny)
These sleeping dogs won't lie (won't lie)
And all I've tried to hide
It’s eating me apart
Trace this line back

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret)

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Dirty little secret
Dirty little secret

Who has to know
Who has to know

so.

interesting.

I'm empty, I need fulfilling, yes I do love
To the ceiling, when I do love
I get this feeling when I'm in love

I'm restless, can't you see I try my bestest
To be good girl, because it's just us
So take me now and do me justice

I'm waiting patiently
Anticipating your arrival
And I'm hating
It takes so long to get to my house
To take me out

Tonight, I'm gonna give you all my love in the back seat
Bubble pop electric, bubble pop electric
Gonna speed it down and slow it up in the back seat
Bubble pop electric
Uh-oh, in the back seat

Ok now, I understand he's on his way now
But jeez Louise, I mean today now
I can't wait, I wanna play now

I'm antsy
Bubble pop electric pansies
My sweet tooth, I want your candy
The Queen of Eng would say it randy

I'm itchy
I wish you would come and scratch me
Tonight I'm falling, won't you catch me
Swoop on by, so you can snatch me
And take me out

Tonight, I'm gonna give you all my love in the back seat
Bubble pop electric, bubble pop electric
Gonna speed it down and slow it up in the back seat
Bubble pop electric
Uh-oh, in the back seat

The need to be satisfied
Come pick me up, I want a ride
Hurry, hurry, come to me
Drive in movie
Drive in, move me
Drive into me

Bubble pop electric
You've gotta get it
(Straight to me, drive in movie)
Take it to the back seat
Run it like a track meet
(Come to me, drive in movie)
[2x]

Tonight, I'm gonna give you all my love in the back seat
Bubble pop electric, bubble pop electric
Gonna speed it down and slow it up in the back seat
Bubble pop electric
Uh-oh, in the back seat

yeah i dunno.

i'm dreading numerous things.

i'm in a hopeless situation.

and i don't know what i'm doing.

Come on, come on
Put your hands into the fire
Explain, explain
As I turn and meet the power
This time, This time
Turning white and senses dire
Pull up, pull up
From one extreme to another

From the summer to the spring
From the mountain to the air
From Samaritan to sin
And it’s waiting on the end

Come on, come on
Put your hands into the fire
Explain, explain
As I turn and meet the power
This time, This time
Turning white and sense dire
Pull up, pull up
From one extreme to another

From the summer to the spring
From the mountain to the air
From Samaritan to sin
And it’s waiting on the end

and now I’m alone I’m looking out
I’m looking in, way down
The lights are dim
and now I’m alone I’m looking out
I’m looking in, way down
The lights are dim

Ooooh

Come on, come on
Put your hands into the fire
Come on, come on

Like. Ugh.

Oh, X-Files is going to be on.

Update more lata.

this night just sucks.

seriously.

its fucking 4:40 AM.

Seattle ho

I am dead tired. And refused to give catherine a ride to her CS. I was like, no.

This year needs to end right now.

I have like almost no homework and my paper won't take long to write as I wrote half of it during TA period.

I have french. It'll take 10 minutes.

And then sleeeeep. Or going to go sell back cds to hastings and buy more cds. or something. i still have to go to 4000 Holes and check out the CDs there....uuuugggghhhh.

*dies*

*dies again*

i'm being a bad girl. I'm not in bed. Though I really should be but I'm putting songs on my mp3 player so ya. i will be in bed soon. then sleep.

i hope everyone who's sick gets better. lots of green tea based drinks! there are some tasty cold ones that help

just some lyrics then off to bed

uhm. yeah.

crying some more today, i ache from it.

thank god for friends, thank god for mr. steigleder. and teachers who swear in front of students. (lol)

senior bests---put me down for most kissable. tehe. please?

i want to cry just a little.

for a whole other reason.

i need to not worry.

mmmmm sleep.

goddamn it, i was dreaming of demons and staying the night in a creepy old town then getting the hell out of there...dead serious. not cool. lol

that was an amazing night of sleep.

its raining! i cry. because its cold.

I'm being brilliant and watching Most Haunted Live--some british show. Of course I'm going to end up freaking myself out. But there's something about the british saying "century" that is just so captivating. I've decided I want to go to London for Halloween one year. Hey! In college--exhange program, that could happen. sweet.

*sigh* I'm ancy, want to go out! It's halloween!!!

I'm going to go do some funky eye makeup for lata.

god i'm so stupid. that was brilliant really. i think i need to go cry. just a bit. yeah. sounds good. going back and reading those things does wonders for emotions. god.

///

Oh man.

*this is stephi dancing*

Mary: Let's just say, I'm for sure ok!!!!!

phew. all better

damn it, i'm still in pain. *sigh*

its so cold out! i hope it snows soon!

i should so be in bed.

mmm, yes, sleep. sounds good.

i can't remember what i was going to type. oh rats.

cold again. wish i could just fall asleep in someone's (preferably a guys) arms and sleep. *sigh*

night night! xoxo 

WEEEEEEEEEEEEE Coke and Cookie Dough! And Leo Dicaprio and Claire Danes making out. Oh man this is a good friday.

oh poor romeo. *tear* ok.

i'm cold. i don't think the ice cream is helping. i want thai food. mmm yummy,

i haven't stayed up this late in a while  >.>

meep.

yeah time for bed

bored. already. ha.

weeeeeee depeche mode.

yay for being home alone.

and such vicsious dogs.

blegh.

i'm going to go deaf if i listen to music so load.

addicted to madonna's song. its insane. im going in the hot tub soon. can't feel my feet :/

Time goes by so slowly x6

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate
Those who run seem to have all the fun
I'm caught up
I don't know what to do

Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
I don't know what to do

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you

Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Ring ring ring goes the telephone
The lights are on but there's no-one home
Tick tick tock it's a quarter to two
And I'm done
I'm hanging up on you

I can't keep on waiting for you
I know that you're still hesitating
Don't cry for me
'cause I'll find my way
you'll wake up one day
but it'll be too late

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

yay! i love this song, its from napoleon dynamite. yay. and now i'm awake and going to turn on the life aquatic with steve zissou as i make my collage thing!

If you need a friend,
don't look to a stranger,
You know in the end,
I'll always be there.

And when you're in doubt,
and when you're in danger,
Take a look all around,
and I'll be there.

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. (I promise)
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. (I promise)
But if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,
I promise, I promise you I will.

When your day is through,
and so is your temper,
You know what to do,
I'm gonna always be there.

Sometimes if I shout,
it's not what's intended.
These words just come out,
with no gripe to bear.

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. (I promise)
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. (I promise)
But if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,
I promise, I promise you...

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. (I promise)
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. (I promise)
And if I had to walk the world, that make you fall for me,
I promise you, I promise you I will.

I gotta tell ya, I need to tell ya, I gotta tell ya, I gotta tell yaaaa ...

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. (I promise)
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. (I promise)
But if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,
I promise you, I promise you...

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. (I promise)
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. (I promise)
And if I have to walk the world to make you fall for me,
I promise you, I promise you I will ...
I will...
I will...
I will...

cold and hungry, yup. brr. *cries* my clay bowl in art didn't make it :(

uhm, ms. hagedorn likes depeche mode and saw them a while ago and i was like, no fucking way! and there was a fire today in the student center. lol. nice.

uhm, yeah. my fingers are numb so yea. sadness. depeche mode! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

today was teh boring. I have to finish my art and then i'm done with my homework!

squee!

I need another caramel machiatto. AND MAdonna's new cd. *cries* I so badly wanted to go get her new cd today while it was on sale but looked in my wallet and alas, not enough cash. *cries* now i have to go convince my dad that i need to allowances in advance for depeche mode's merchandise table >_<

kisses!

I'll be sitting in the Key Arena in 24 hours time. Squeeness! Time to watch my depeche mode dvd. yay!

uhm. i'm bored. been bored.

blah.

yup my head is going to explode

but that concert was so good that...welll...ha...it was damn good.

i'm still going to school.

against my will. hopefully during my TA period i can sleep.

but fo rnow i will go and collapse. and i can die happy. i almost started crying i coulodn't believe it.

there are flies on the windscreen....good song, favorite part though: Come here
Kiss me
Now
Come here
Kiss me
Now

Death is everywhere
The more I look
The more I see
The more I feel
A sense of urgency
Tonight

Come here
Touch me
Kiss me
Touch me
Now
Touch me
Touch me

yup. i'm soooo bored. and hungry and cold. parents are going out tonight to the play. weee. bored. thats all really

oh jesus my feet are totally and completely numb :/

So not doing my homework but watching Breakfast at Tiffany's

"i'm going to march you over to the zoo and feed you to the yak. as soon as i finish this drink." oh man, yay for movies in the early 60s.

eek. so cold!

grrrrrr!

^_~

Nighty night! xoxo

so bored.

*dies*

thats it really.

Uhm I'm bored. And so cool, watching a soap opera. yeah, that's right. Josh is coming over tonight, so yay something to do!

not like that you dirty minded people. oh wait, that's me. haaa.

Yay for the Holidays OFFICIALLY starting. I know I know, so OCD with that but hey, don't want to kill it. 

Can't feel my fingers. guess i'll go do my ap euro. muah, kisses, josh see you tonight ^_^

*screams* AH I just put in my retainer after, hmm, I dunno FIVE months, cause I have my final check up coming in decemeber and OH MY GOD. THE PAIN. *cries*

But tonight was fun as always =)

oh my poor mouth :/ why can't I just wear my retainer like a good girl? I know how painful it will be if I don't. Bah! Time for sleep so I don't have to face the pain.

Gumball Rally is it? Watched that tonight on MTV, Jackass, more so, loved it!

ok, indeed, time for bed.

weee Christmas time! And I just went shopping and totally bought gifts and am so happy about it. Cause I found something for Josh that I didn't think I would find and just weeeeeee!

I want mexican food. again. silly me. time to wrap some presents too!

I've finished one college application. Go me and productiveness. I just need to type up my Western Washington one and then actually do U of San Francisco and I am done. Thank God. Then I can actually hang out with friends and a certain boy without that hanging over my head.

I also read some of that freaking encyclical for CST. I didn't know someone could write so much on death. :/
Uplifting I know. and all the bible references. *goes insane* PLUS I have to write a reflection. blah! Its due wednesday though so I got a head start. Go me.

So I made a wishlist for myself. And I'm a luxury whore. lol. I made a little picture booklet thing and posted it on myspace. I'm so greedy for nice stuff like Gucci Envy Me perfume and Ugg Boots (which I get to get the day after christmas! yay!) and MAC makeup. and so on. Silly Me. ^_^

Well I best be off to be productive and have the rest of the day to do...not much. but rest. And hate the fact that school's tomorrow. :(

mmmmmmmmm.......ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

that is little anime version of me running around in the background of someone's life screaming and aching in retainer pain. always fun.

i'm still up. silly me. yay for showers and snow and tickling and laughing and mexican food. just yay. yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can't you tell i'm happy?

this is me biting my nails in worry----> *bites nails*

snow is so dangerous, i hope everyone who's driving is ok.

sleep. yay. i want a snow day so badly.

feeling better right now.

blah. but still.

uhm. that's all. good night, i love you all. if you must drive tomorrow, be safe. but pray for a snow day!

damn canadian principles.

no snow day.

:(

rats.

 i am going to be so supper prodictive today: shower, load up on ib profen, do homework, clean room again. and that's my plan.

weird weird WEIRD dreams last night. and i'm in pain, and feel disgusting so time to shower.

still up.

http://www.chinternet.co.uk/75bands.jpg

there are 75 bands in the picture. can you get them? i've got quite a few. comment on what you get.

right, guess i will go to bed.

and what the fuck. why is my lip swelling. wtf?!!! why i s my lip....cut or...something....what the helll......i am so confused.....what....happened to my lip???@??!

today was blah. tonight was good. i need to memorize my french. again. silly me. uhm. its tres cold. i'm tired but awake.

cannot forget my depeche mode cd for school tomorrow! eek.

ya anyway, not much to say right now. je suis content.

uhm nighty night~

edit////

shit shit shit. BAD BAD BAD BAD.

ok all better now! time to go draw. cause i drank too much pop. weeee

Translation: The Frosty Bunny who is so cold that she will make hell freeze. Which is true, cause I am soooo damn cold right now. *sniffles* So very cold. A shower is in order. And I have to print depeche mode lyrics for my art project.

So ya.

I'm going to babble on in French now. I don't think any of you know french.

Aujourd'hui, je suis content mais tres troublee. Il y a un tres bon homme qui j'adore beaucoup! Mais, ce n'est pas pourquoi je suis troublee. Je ne sais pas pourquoi.  je veux que l'ete arrivait mais il ya six mois de l'ete. je n'attend pas! Si je vais au camp reed maintenant, j'irais. mais ce n'est pas tres chaud et il faut qu'il n'est pas tres froid, comme 14 degrees.  Zut alors. Je suis tres tres froid et il faut que je finis mes devoirs. au revoir mes amies. je les aime!

edit///

so! funny thing...ha, i have a CST quiz tomorrow. oh bugger. hahahaha. and of course i told carroll tomorrow i'll work and today i'd have a TA period off. ahahahaha. shit.

pardon my french.

ugnh. bugger. before school, during break and hopefully i can cram a little in after grading papers 3rd period. ahhhhh. bugger. i'm brilliant.

oh and another funny thing, if i had been wearing clothes cause i was getting into the shower, it would have been funny to have on tape, cause i stepped in, turned around face to face with a fricking spider and quickly tried to get out and it was rather amusing.

*sniffles* my pez are all gone. and my m & m minis won't open.

sheesh, no wonder my canker sores won't go away. blah!

hmmm, X I emailed you, no idea if you got it or not but ya.

tonight will probably be much better and the happy point of my week.

sometimes you can't make it on your own.

better go get some homework done.

The Ramones rock my socks, I want to mosh like now. Flogging Molly is touring again but going to Seattle. Nooo! I was going to mosh this time. *sniffles* Ohh, I should check out who's coming to Spo-kane.

Disturbed and story of the year.

meh.

now lets see whos in seattle..

depeche  mode + cure!!!!! WHAT? oh rats....tribute is the key word. i almost had a heart attack.flogging molly, my chemical romance......I WANT TO GO! Oh man. the academy is...hey thats a friday. who wants ta drive over?!

*sigh* so anyway. boooooooooooooored.

YAY! I have Ugg boots! Sheepy warm boots! Yay! Yay! Yay! for warm feet! yay!

ok! that is all!

Yes yes, I update way to much on this thing but eh, what's a bored girl to do. besides scrape smashed junior mints out of her purse. >.< yup. fantastic. but sticky.

there is one week left until christmas vacation baby, woot woot, i'm excited.

What was I going to say? I don't know...uhm, ew sticky hands. god, my poor purse. time to go dig out another one. and let that one dry.

i progressed in my art and i'm not particularly thrilled, though i've still got a ways to go so ya.

seriously! there are junior mints on EVERYTHING. AH.

Ever had someone plague your mind constantly (plague being good) that your dreams are suddenly filled with everything you've thought of involving them within the past couple days? its fun. and no last nights dream was not like that cause i hated last nights dream. but anyway, i'm going to try and figure out how to set up a webpage with my writing and see how that goes. so ya! hugs to all, muah. je les aime! beaucoup!

EDIT//

that's what I wanted to say...I got new sharpies. FIVE new sharpies. Its like a new box of crayons for me, I LOVE new sharpies. so pointy. so i'm going to go play with them some more now. i'm sure you all care too. but, it makes me happy.

 <-----this is some weird sh*t.

And the light of a fading star
Is what you were, is what you are
Like the glow that christens the moon
You shone too soon, you shone too soon

Oh and I always thought
That you, you wanted me
Oh and I always thought some how
That you, you wanted me

Ahhh, but if there's a reason
I don't need to know right now
'Cause beyond the pale eyes' evening
And the shadow of the cloud

so yeah, my lunch today was chips, two jo jos and  fruit snacks. blegh. fantastic. i need more money. of course i always need more money.

anyway, um,christmas dance, saturday, nudge nudge, cough josh. erm.

subtle eh, i dunno, there is  no point to this post i'm just bored and checking the comment love, which there is none.

pouty face. well guess i'll go be productive.

edit//

weee, FOUR more days til this week is up! *frollics* yes i said frollic. uhm, today was uninteresting. except my art is turning out better, it should be cool. unlike what i said last night which was i hate it. well i suppose an update is in store later but for now cheeto time and french!

Yup, so just saw that online and I was like, sweeet, its nice to be naughty, tehe!

so what my body is telling me now:

1. eat breaded shrimp with cocktail sauce now.

2. dump a million sugar products in your mouth because sugar withdrawal is bad.

3. cut your tongue off cause of damn canker sores.

4. seriously eat the shrimp now.

5. mosh.

6. sleep.

yup yup!

tehe, sneaky me! I have a silly plan but its goofy and sweet so we'll see how that goes!

Yogurt is amazing. My mouth feels better and plain yogurt mixed with raspberry jam is tres yummy!

I feel better now, after just chilling in Stigs room and bashing the frosh. god i feel bad for the teachers cause the frosh are sooooo just ugh. need to take some pills cause they're all hyper active i swear.

i only have to finish my essay and i'm done with homework!! i'm getting ahead of myself quite a bit in regards to work so i'll have lots of time to do art and such over break!

today was still pretty meh, i had to go get money from stigs because i don't have any money left in my account for lunch. anyway....uhm. finish this later. gotta go

OK! Edit time. Where was I. so yeah, had to steal money from stigs.

then during 6th period i had this really simple idea but i think its cute, and i can't tell you until i do it. but i'm so sneaky that sneaky thinks i'm sneaky or something like that, that mary said.

i'm cold. *looks down* cause i'm wearing a tank top. ok clothes would be nice right now. better do that. cause its super cold! ok well. I think i'll find something to start drawing and put clothes on and wait for josh to show up.

and OMG. I love manic street preachers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEK! I need their cds. like now.

oh! so this is my plan for the day after christmas. if i can get  $150 by christmas, cause i'll have $100 plus grandparents money and aunt and uncle, so that should equal $150, I spend, $30-$50 on cds, USED, cause then I can get 10 cds for cheap and that rocks. then go buy whatever i can find the day after. like new underwear. yes, thats a good thing.

ok well ta ta!

I finished my Art assignment in attempts to cheer myself up. But yeah, not much of that happening. I made hot chocolate and put about 50 marshmallows in it!

yeah. Uhm thats all. And I can't feel my feet. as usual.

this is just one of those days when you want to cry and scream and you picture yourself breaking numerous things.

the fucking end.

This made me giggle quite a bit and lightened my mood

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

 MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it? CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she. ( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )

WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

its amazing how one person can cheer you up tenfold.

and i love him.

yay for being happy again!

and i'm going out to go shopping with my brother tomorrow so i have something to do for the middle of the day!!! yay!

*sigh* i'm happy now. chinese and tickling. weee!

uhm by the way...

no more dr. pepper. it puts holes in my tongue.....nearly. its weird.

uhm. 1:30.

i'm still awake.

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

and that was kind of like a sheep.

you know there really is no point to this post.

good night all.

woooo i can't feel my feet. well i really can but they are so. damn. frozen. and i am so damn bored and tired and i haven't really done anything today to constitute tiredness. weeee. my poor feet. *sniffle* i want clam chip dip. mmmmmmmm yummy.

i want something to eat. i hope mum makes something yummy. and i may have to make a trip to the store for yogurt and clam dip. yessiree. i now have *blink blink* $97 for the day after Xmas shopping plus $25 allowance= $122 yay!!! i need a job. really i do.

ok well yeah thats all for now. i'm really bored so i'm just trying to kill time by updating.

edit...

yes i'm reading smutty draco/hermione fics...but this is just so quote worthy:

he slid away from her grip, lowering his body further to place a kiss on her bellybutton.

“Hmm, I want to claim this, too,” he stated with teasing thoughtfulness. “But I feel like I’m forgetting something. Darling,” he looked up to catch Hermione’s eye, “can you think of something I’m forgetting?”

“You’re forgetting to keep going, you wicked, *evil* pirate,” she retorted, sticking her tongue out at him.

i said i was going to start a new blog but truth be told i'm too lazy right now.

during mass i wanted to burst into tears. yes it was that bad on top of everything else i'm feeling.

time to call josh.

who's parents are so flipping awesome.

as well as the cats.